me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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