Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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