Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
