u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize