Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
