i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
