I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Me too!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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