The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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