I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
