8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
