sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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