I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
