so explain again why im purple
no
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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