SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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