Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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