I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
