Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
