you guys were way drunker than both of me
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
