About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
