I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
