At least make sure they are 18
Why
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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