girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
