We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
