You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
