MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
