I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Vodka?
Forever.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
