Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Randomize
