Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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