I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have surprise drugs for everyone
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize