I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
