I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
