I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
