Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize