I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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