she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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