One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
