saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
