I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
