So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
