you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
