you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
