I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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