Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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