you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
