i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
