And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
