just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
