My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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