Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
