dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
