hell yes lets make some ravioli
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
