awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
