Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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