I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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