I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
