I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
