What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
