...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
