The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize