How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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