The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
