You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
