I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
