I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
