I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
