i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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