I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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