once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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