I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
