The best revenge is premature balding
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
