i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
